January Horoscopes

Will you win the day in January or be crushed like yesterday’s velvet? These ‘scopes are chock full of fear-fighting nutrients and POW minerals for a glossy aura and clean runnin’ chakras!  *A quick note on getting the most from a general newspaper horoscope, blog or the like:  Read for your Sun, Moon and Rising.  **Photo credit.

Aries Moon and Rising:  Your ruler Mars enters Scorpio on January 4th. As always, the challenge for Aries is to keep those emotions on an even keel. Use your red hot energy to stay original and above the fray. The Mercury Retro has got the civilians in a tizzy as it picks up speed on the 5th. Your gift in January is the ability to lead us out of fear, you are our Spiritual Warrior.

Taurus Moon and Rising: Venus cozies up to Saturn in Sagittarius throughout much of the month while trining Uranus. I picture Ursula Andress and Jim Morrison having lunch with World Bank president Jim Yong Kim, while listening to Lemmy Kilmister spoken word. This lunch will change the world. Your gift in January is to think what’s never been thunk, you are our New Earth Architect.

Gemini Moon and Rising: Most of your challenges come from trying to live among the Muggles. Day after day you chide yourself for not being like the other kids. That has never worked and will never work, now more than ever. You do not need a calendar or a clock, anyway your energy field will short them out. Instead write your name on a piece of paper and look at it in a mirror. No, not that name! Your SECRET name. Ahhh, that’s better. Your gift in January is the ability to turn everything into a poem,  you are our New Poetry President and it’s the only office that really matters.

Cancer Moon and Rising: Armor up and move forward as on a white sandy beach. Your creamy center is well protected and ready for everything coming your way. There’s something special about moody Cancers, it’s like they can see every color of every emotion and thus can relate to every human there ever was, a living opal. Your gift in January is the ability to feel AND act at the same time, you are our Emotional Activist proving there is no such thing as “divorced from feeling” and that in fact, all logic is as emotion based as anything ever was. So there!

Leo Moon and Rising: Stay strong as the winds whip us all into a frenzy. Your strength and nobility carry extra weight and help keep you grounded through any storm. How deftly you will play the scales of intensity as the rest of us melt into awe because as mortals, we see nothing can touch you any more than the studio could touch Welles in Fortaleza . Your gift in January is to act all the parts with grace, and ALL the parts will be comin’ down the pike especially with the Full Moon in your sign the 23rd. You are our official Monarch of Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Show us how it’s done.

Virgo Moon and Rising:  How typical that just as Jupiter comes to visit, the rest of the world goes to shiite. This should be your time but oh Virgo, you know by now there are no days off. But wait! From January 7 thru May 9, Jupiter goes retrograde giving a chance to go over any missed spots and reevaluate what you’ve been doing with your health (and mental health) and service since the Autumn. What is the organizing principle of the service you give and to whom? Your gift in January is the ability to dive under ANY wave and remain chill. You be dodgin’ the freaks like a game o’ Tempest. You, of all people, will be our Sensei of Chill, smooth as a diamond and zen as a mofo because honestly, there ain’t a disaster movie your brain hasn’t already screened. Leave the histrionics to the amateurs, it gives them something to do.

Libra Moon and Rising: I know what the other astrologers say about you, and I don’t care. I love you just the way you are! Who needs unadulterated reality 24/7? Boooring. And ineffectual, who has that actually helped anyhoo? Life is too short not to be pretty and wordy and sweet. Why not?! Oh I suppose people would take you more seriously if you had a practical haircut and wore a lot of gray, but fuq them already. Glob does not like them better for wearing pants (beige). Your gift in January is to continue on your own path whilst the rest of us tread earthly reality and deal with things like other people’s flatulence. You are our Minister of Daffodils in the coming weeks because without hope of a life beyond vulgarity, there is no reason to carry on.

Scorpio Moon and Rising: Hahahahahah, it is to laugh, is it not? Death FEARS you! Honestly, I fear you too, as do most of your friends and relatives. Known for your ability to rise from the ashes, you’ve been in an unusually slow death and rebirth cycle thanks in part to Saturn who only recently left your sector. But guess who’s coming over?! Squeee, Mars enters Scorpio on the 4th! Finally we’re gonna have some fun around here! Your assignment in January is to read the 48 Laws of Power (or just google an image of the laws, I found a good one on Pinterest). Your gift in January is the knowledge that there are actually at least 1148 forms of micropower and that being where the punch doesn’t land, especially your own, is the key. You are our Last Jedi and the only way out, everyone else thinks we’re playing a $ game, they really have NO idea.

Sagittarius Moon and Rising: Witch wars, holy wars, wars on women, wars on children, wars on the poor. Make sure you come correct. How do you know? Because you can still laugh at the absurdity of it all especially when the punch line is “doing it wrong.” I like you Sagittarius, and I still believe in you. Saturn is serving you some harsh realness but I know in the end, you’re gonna slap that wizard hat right back on and save the day at the last minute. I mean second. Right? Your gift in January is your ability to listen to the quietest voice deep inside you and shift True North all while never looking back. You are our Clean Slate Wizard of the Purple Flame.

Capricorn Moon and Rising: Mercury will be stopping by and dropping some heavy beats. The New Moon in Cap on the 9th is a nice time to think about all this remodeling you have going on, and fine tune where necessary. Make sure to see where you are or or are not responding to our environment in a timely manner. We are too far into this for you to act like you don’t know how it works. Treat all forms of electronics as familiarly as you would your toaster and microwave for a start. Same for other people’s feelings, factor them in or the equation is incomplete. Your gift in January is your incredible fortitude, you are our Great Crystal Mountain of wisdom and strength, providing refuge from the poisonous mists below.

Aquarius Moon and Rising: You have time to prepare as the Merc Retro heads your way. Uranus direct just plugged you back in with the rest of us, and with the Sun entering Aquarius later in the month, you become the solution to questions we didn’t know we had as well as problems we didn’t know we COULD solve. Ever the mysterious super hero of the zodiac, Aquas consult no one as they plot to save us all from enemies we didn’t know were there to begin with. Your gift in January is your mind like an electric crystal ball seeing into multiple dimensions, you are our Aquabat of Visions: Past, Present, Future and Sideways.

Pisces Moon and Rising: Everyone is always talking about your urge to check out, amarite? But what they don’t talk about is your ability to captain your way through the rough waters using only your inner light as a guide. Honestly, you don’t need us but we really need you. The inner and outer sky are full of zingin’ zappin’ feeling trappin’ cosmic rays this month. Your gift in January is to show us that 3D reality is so00 2015, you are our new Real Reality Czar.

** Thanks to the reader who sent me this pic, does anyone know where it comes from? Couldn’t find it on TinEye.

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