Alright liebchen, there are things we need to talk about. Important things! The Mercury Retrograde shadow has begun. The Solstice, the Full Moon, Venus in Scorpio on its way to the current Sag party, Mars heading towards Scorpio…2016!
But you know what? We need to talk about what you’re gonna wear. How are you going to keep it fresh as you go from party to party? What is comfortable to wear when you’re sleep deprived, sugar crashing and hung over but still wanting to make merry and eat and drink with family, workmates and friends? Can you even dance and eat in the same outfit?! You can if you dress your sign. As someone very wise (RuPaul) once said, “You’re born naked, the rest is drag.” These tips are for both men and women, let’s keep it festive!
Aries Moon and Rising: Focus on comfort and a sleek silhoutte. Lycra is key, but keep it matte. A statement fragrance, especially with a cinnamon base, is especially nice. Red reindeer antler sweater or earrings keep the attention solely on you. Brogues keep you moving in style and comfort as you scan the tinseled savannah for the perfect dance partner. Learn one good power ballad you can sing with your mates and you’re good to go.
Taurus Moon and Rising: Caftan or cape, your choice, chilly aqua color a plus. The key here is making sure the fabric is as lux as possible and covers a multitude of sins. So whether you’re hiding a potato belly or a lover under there, you will look smashing as fuq, also it doubles as a comfy blanket. How adorable are you whether napping on the Lazy Boy or at da’ club doing a slow dance in stacked heels? One outfit does it all!
Gemini Moon and Rising: A sparkly chiffon wrap or scarf in a zippy green gives your Yuletide look a modern twist. An equally crisp citrus fragrance is an unexpected treat. Gemini boys and girls can get away with elfin touches whether it be a spray of glittered white poinsettia tucked behind an ear or a jaunty suede green cap. Your main accessories will be the twinkle in your eye and your champagne wit.
Cancer Moon and Rising: Luminescent fabrics draped dramatically around your body like a dreamy cocoon, think vintage glamour. Silver and pearl jewelry. For him, you can translate this with a splendid white shirt and pearl lapel pin. Nothing tight, everything deconstructed, everything should swirl and flow. You can’t go wrong with fringe or feathers in a pastel shade, just make sure to get everything out of the way during mealtimes. Tuck a hankie in your bodice, you are feeling everything this season and honey, the way you look, we are all feeling you.
Leo Moon and Rising: I bet you think this post is about you, and you are correct. The whole inspiration for this is A) Figuring out what I am going to wear and B) Glitter hair. Never has a look been so perfect for or so embodied a particular zodiac sign. I just had to tell you. Wrap yourself in slinky gold leggings or dress, TIGHT. Heels, high of course. Even for men. But you must check out XO Vain or similar for a glitter hair tutorial with a caveat. You are only allowed to do this look in gold, red or orange regardless of hair color. If you’re too lazy or busy to look, basically get some cosmetic quality glitter and mix with a hair gel or root spray and work through the first 2-5 inches of your hair starting at the root. You’re welcome.
Virgo Moon and Rising: I want to see you in electric blue, white with silver, gray with silver or pewter. A nice powdery color shot through with a metallic thread or the intense shot of cobalt. Virgos know how to party, the trick is to pace yourself. In fact, Virgo is often the last one standing at many a holiday soiree. Pack an emergency beauty kit with highlighter, hand sanitizer, gum, condoms, lip balm and a perfume/cologne sample. Wear shoes for both walking and dancing. And for once, let people fawn over you, they are always delighted to find out how secretly funny you are. Virgo has the best skin of any sign, strobe it with a new Colour Pop kit or aftershave balm, and don’t come home before 4:00 a.m.
Libra Moon and Rising: Ahhh Libra, you make it look so easy! Focus on soft, bouncy romantic hair and frosty peppermint pink lips. For men, nicely slicked back hair and a dinner jacket is just IT. Make sure your teeth are their whitest and your breath is cool. Rosebud Salve is perfect for both ladies and gentlemen as it glosses the eyelid, the lip, the hair and the lashes. Pinch your cheeks or apply a little Nars Orgasm highlighter. No one likes wine more than Libra, keep some wine teeth wipes on hand. No one looks better in shimmer than Libra either, so make sure to go over everything using your favorite shimmer strip before you head out, the Rosebud Salve will hold it nicely–think a little dollop of rosegold on the inner corners of your eyes for example. Men, your best accessory is roses for the hostess and your most beautiful smile.
Scorpio Moon and Rising: Black high waisted skinny jeans or shiny pleather leggings. Anything black velvet. Long burgundy tunic or smock, black and silver chandelier earrings. Black kajal eyes, Scorpio perfume from Strange Invisible Perfume. Black booties with legwarmers, looks like an equestrian but light enough to dance in. A big stripy scarf is reminiscent of both candy canes and tarantula legs in a black and red or black and deep blue. If you do decide to go out in the wee hours to stand alone in the corner listening to Joy Division at your local gotherie, throw on a matte metallic ruby lip with an extra topping of black, purple or blood glitter as a nod to the season.
Sagittarius Moon and Rising: Assuming you have to wear clothing around your fam or at least in public, I say silver mesh body suit with random rhinestones sprinkled about. Top it off with a denim skirt and a cute royal purple trapeze top or vest, cute Christmas cardigan over everything. And no, Christmas light earrings are not too much! Elf hat with bells, hell yes! Put that hair in a long side braid or slick it back. Tinted spf and gold lips and eyes are ready for anything. Make sure you have weather appropriate but fashionable shoes in your zebra print tote in case you need to dive for a cardboard snow board or jump on a moving street car on your way to the disco. Your best accessory is dirty versions of all the classic Christmas songs and a designated driver app.
Capricorn Moon and Rising: Black pantsuit! Bonus if it’s a turtleneck and belted. Classic S waved hair, a true red lip. Outerwear is very important here, I feel like you could even do a classic camel car coat with this look and some delicious, drop pendant earrings. Patent leather stilettos or square heeled booties add just the right amount of spice. You’re the only one here who could pull off some cutiepie, pin-up ear muffs or cuffs. Chanel perfume is a must. Show the kids how it’s done as you smolder like a Turner Network Vixen, more power in your lowered lashes than in their entirely exposed, body glittered midriff.
Aquarius Moon and Rising: Silver sequined Santa hat, futuristic poly blend button down in a space theme, any blue pants that aren’t jeans. An airy, electric scent with a touch of ozone, do they still make Aqua Velvet? Blue and silver shadow and a silver foil liner. A pop of yellow either in your eye shadow or for men, on your person. Clear, lucite jewelry. Don’t be afraid to glue random clear sequins in your hair or on your face with spirit gum. Lightening bolt gloves add a formal air, as do any electronic devices you can use as fashion accessories. If Gary Numan wrote a Christmas song, what would it sound like? Figure it out and share it with the rest of us.
Pisces Moon and Rising: Chubby Cartwheels has dragon scale leggings in gold. You can wear these whether you are a boy or girl fish, or thin or fat so don’t let the name fool you as especially Pisces tend to be slight. Yes they are dragon scales but they could totally look like fish scales as well. Match with a green velvet coat, a frothy white pirate shirt, pearl earrings and silver eye shadow and you are good to go. Leave hair down and unfussy, preferably with a center part. Charm bracelets and star shaped sunglasses are your ideal accessories. Please remember to write your telephone number or address somewhere on your body so we can get you home at the end of the night.