Ask a Sagittarius

This was supposed to be a funny post.

“Dear Sagittarius,

I feel like this girl I like just is not into me, how do I get her attention?”    from Greige

“Dear Greige,

Hey, this is out there–but have you considered setting yourself on fire? I mean, briefly. Obvy! You know, something with passion, sparklers and rose petals! Maybe with a packet of that powder that adds color to the flames? Because, you will know, one way or another, if that doesn’t work, ya’ know, hit the road!”

“Dear Sag,

Do you have any healthy eating tips? I bring my lunch to work every day, and I need some way to keep it healthy and more exciting at the same time.”    from Dyingofboredom

“Dear Dob,

In thinking about your question, it occurs to me that there are only two ways to go here. Either head to the airport at lunch, and grab any flight out–let’s be honest, anywhere is better than your desk at lunch. OR, if you’re  of a more practical mind, how about inviting some friends over and throwing up a mirror ball, one of those cute little ones that can fit in your glovebox? Skype some friends and groove on your fave YouTube playlist. Otherwise, really what is the point?! Four out of five Sagittarius doctors would agree, you are not getting enough disco. It’s one of the leading causes of depression, procrastination and suck-a-lemon-face.”

We have expanding Jupiter in Virgo and Saturn in Sagittarius. Our beloved Paris is a Virgo city, surprised? Think refined, food obsessed, intellectual. Sagittarius can be religious extremism, it is the most unstable of the fire signs. But if we ever need some of that famous Sag optimism, it’s today. So go ahead, ask. Is Paris going to be okay? Is everything she stands for in the history of civilization, Paris, our red beating heart, will she survive? Will we?

“You are g*da*@n! right she’s is! She is gonna rise up. Centuries of civilization don’t just go away. There is always more light than dark, good always wins over bad–yeah it’s hard right now but the good guys always win. That’s the code, that’s the rule of the universe. You can’t give up hope. Ever.”


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